Back in 1991 I had an awakening that dramatically changed my life. I had been living a life of meditation, yoga, chanting, devotional concerts, walks in the old growth forest and daily soaks in the hot springs as an artist in residence at Breitenbush Hot Springs for a year. I was slowly becoming more and more subtle. On this day, I went so deep into silence that “I” was completely gone. There was no one left. There was no thought. There was imensity of silence, as if silence “was” something, something that went on forever out into infinity. It was a greater bliss than I ever knew was possible. There was knowing without thinking. Knowing everything, because one ‘was’ everything. You knew it, because you were it.
This lasted many, many hours. Slowly there was a thought and an awareness that there was a body. For months after, it was just a bliss, a stillness, a great love for all that is, and a moving the body around in space. When the body was settled, it was resting in infinity and stillness.
I realized who “I” am. Something so very vast, that the body is just a drop in the ocean of That.
And since then, it has been “after the ecstasy, the laundry”. It has been integrating and watching when thoughts and patterns want to appear and how the mind wants to grab hold of them and say “this is me”. But there is a knowing of who I am that cannot believe in any particular story of who I am, no matter how lovely.
How blessed are the moments we see the truth. They inform us forever more.